Inspired by Controversies of Marriage by DrK, from the chapter “Controversies Behind Infidelity and Adultery”
“The war against infidelity can be won.” (DrK)

Why We Still Need to Talk About This.

DrK is direct about why she includes this topic: infidelity is behind a great many of the marital conflicts, separations and divorces we hear about. It may be the next story you hear. It may be your own.
The subject is heavy, but this chapter carries real hope.

The Starfish Story

A man walking along the beach finds a young boy throwing starfish back into the ocean, one by one.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“If I don’t throw them back, they will die,” the boy answers.
“There are too many starfish on this beach. You can’t possibly make a difference.”
The boy bends down, picks up another starfish, and tosses it into the sea. “I made a difference with that one.”
That is how we fight for marriages. Not all at once, but one marriage at a time, one husband at a time, one wife at a time. Many marriages are breaking, but each one we help back into the arms of our Saviour has a chance to live.

 

Who Are We Really Standing Against?

DrK puts it plainly: having an affair while married is fighting against God Himself.
God designed marriage as the building block of families and nations. He intends to raise godly children through marriages, homes and families. When someone deliberately chooses to cheat, they tear at the very fabric God has woven.
The prophet Malachi reminds us that God was a witness when you made your vows. Marriage is His idea, and His Spirit is present in even its smallest details. What He wants from it is a godly generation. His word to us is clear: guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat. He hates the violent tearing apart of what He joined as one flesh.

“But I Had My Reasons”

Most people who cheat can justify it to themselves. One of the biggest reasons is the need to feel emotionally connected. DrK is honest about this: when a husband or wife neglects the emotional needs of their spouse, the marriage becomes vulnerable. If you are not meeting your partner’s needs, you may be running the risk of being cheated on, or of becoming the cheater yourself.

But here is the truth that sets us free:
Despite the problems in your marriage, self-control is still available. You don’t have to cheat.
A lonely marriage is a real wound and deserves real attention. It is never a license. The answer to emotional distance is honest conversation, counselling, prayer and repentance, not another bed.

A Story Without an Easy Answer

DrK shares a story that shows how tangled this can get. A wife returns home one evening with the children and finds her husband with another woman in the house.
“Honey, who is this woman in the house?”
He answers, “What did you expect? You left me alone for a whole month. Who was supposed to take care of me?”
She took her children, left, and divorced him.
Who is right, and who is wrong? DrK calls this a controversy, and it is. But notice how quickly the unfaithful spouse turned the question around. Excuses are always ready.

Righteousness vs. Morality

Societies have their own reasons for treating adultery lightly, and in many places it has been decriminalised. God does not accept human reasoning as justification.
DrK names the deeper problem: we have blurred the line between righteousness, which is God’s standard, and morality, which is merely what people find acceptable. The result is a constant bending of biblical standards to suit our comfort.
The damage starts early. Children grow up with confused ideas about purity, and “babies make babies” before marriage is ever considered. Someone needs to expose those blurred lines and, like the boy on the beach, return one starfish at a time to the sea.

The Warning of King David

Scripture does not hide the cost of adultery. Proverbs 6 warns that no one who sleeps with another man’s wife goes unpunished.
David, the great king, fell exactly this way. He took Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, and when she became pregnant he arranged Uriah’s death to cover it up. Through the prophet Nathan, God asked David how he could treat His word with such contempt. He had given David a kingdom and would have given him more, yet David took what was not his. God said David had acted in secret, but He would respond openly.
And so it happened. David’s household was shattered by violence and sexual sin: his son Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar, and his son Absalom publicly slept with David’s concubines on the very palace roof from which David had first seen Bathsheba.
There is both grace and a warning here. David repented sincerely, and God forgave him. But forgiveness did not erase the consequences. Sin forgiven is not always sin without a harvest.

If You Have Been Betrayed, or You Have Failed

If you have been hurt by a spouse’s unfaithfulness, your pain is real, and God sees it. Healing is possible, though it is rarely quick.
If you have fallen, the story of David shows that the way back is open through honest, broken-hearted repentance. Come to God as David did, and come to your spouse with truth and humility.

Questions to Sit With

• Are there emotional needs in my marriage that I have ignored in my spouse, or that I have been silent about?
• Are there friendships, online conversations or habits that are growing closer than they should be?
• Have I allowed society’s version of “acceptable” to replace God’s standard for my marriage?
• What is one practical step I can take this week to guard my marriage?

A Prayer

Father, You are the author of marriage, and You were a witness to our vows. Guard our hearts and our homes. Where we have drifted, draw us back. Where we have been wounded, heal us. Where we have failed, grant us the courage to repent and begin again. Teach us to meet one another’s needs with love and self-control, and let our marriages stand as a testimony to Your faithfulness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.