Did you know that procrastination is a subtle form of pride?
If Pride comes before a fall, it should also be true that procrastination, the well-known thief of time, will also come before your marriage crumbles.
Procrastination is pride because it is not Christ-centred. It doesn’t manifest itself as pure arrogance and conceit, but it is pride. Pride takes any form where Christ is not in the centre of what you say or do – meaning the one in the centre is you – thus the terms “self-centred” or “self-focussed” and not “Christ-centred” nor “Christ-focussed”.
Putting things off things is called procrastination. God does not procrastinate, but humans often do. A marriage experiences procrastination when one partner or both spouses postpone vital things the marriage needs to be healthy and strong. These delays happen due to negative feelings surrounding the task at hand.
For example, married couple put off –
Cuddling and kissing
Married couples who cuddle and kiss stay connected to each far more than couples who don’t. Being married does not mean you should stop being a lover. Can you remember your last kiss with your spouse? If you cannot remember, you should intentionally start working on restoring it. A good kiss is a sign of good intimacy among a couple.
“The lips have so many nerve endings that once the excitement begins, it fires a flood of signals to the brain. Blood vessels dilate, blood pressure lowers, your heart rate starts pumping and you get into almost a state of relaxation… on one hand, there’s an adrenalin rush, giving you those wonderful flushed feelings, but it also brings down heart rate and blood pressure. The opening blood vessels can help with headaches and cramps and your increased heart rate can even burn calories.”
Don’t allow the attitude of “I don’t need to anymore” take over your soul. Good looking gardens need maintenance to be kept beautiful. Strong marriages are the same. When they are ignored, and not worked on with constant intimate experiences, they crumble and fall. Shelving cuddling and kissing is putting your marriage off and postponing it, whiles you are in it.
This simply tells you why couples would take months before they have sex. Postponed marital sex is dangerous as it causes both spouses to be vulnerable. “A woman who married no longer has full right to her own body, for her husband then has his rights to it, too; and in the same way the husband no longer has full right to his own body, for it belongs also to his wife. So do not refuse these rights to each other. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from the rights of marriage for a limited time, so that they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterwards, they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control.” 1 Cor 7: 4 – 5
When you postpone forgiveness, you propel your marital conflict forward. Forgiveness delayed is peacetime denied. Remember this Word: Forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us. The manner and speed you apply to forgive your spouse, is the same manner and pace you allow to be applied to you when you are in need of forgiveness. Never allow your anger or disappointment to cause you to withhold your forgiveness. Withholding or delaying forgiveness is not Christ-centred. Such procrastination exhibits pride in its indirect form.
Marriage is a very good platform for prayer, because if two of you shall agree on the earth concerning any matter, “whatsoever it may be that they shall ask, it shall come to them from my Father who is in the heavens.” (Darby Bible Translation) Matthew 18:19
When a couple delays praying together, it may cause their desired ends, as a team, to be withheld, because of lack of agreement. Such procrastination is not Christ-centered but is it self-centered and displays pride. Praying together must not be put off. Praying together promotes, amongst other things, humility before God and each other; it also breaks the cycle of hurting each other; It releases the couple’s deepest hurts, breeds appreciation, unites the couple and, without doubt, removes selfishness and pride.
Being one flesh
Living and doing things alone whilst married is a direct violation of the Scripture. “…and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh” Mark 10:8/ Eph 5:31. The Message Bible puts it this way – “Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart”, but financial pressure, friends, In-Laws, concubines and employers desecrate his art all the time.
Be humble enough quickly ask for help from your spouse when you need it. The more you delay, and continue to do everything by yourself, the more you get used to putting off and procrastinating intimacy in your relationship. Do not fall trap of “perfectionism” that drives you to do most, if not all, things by yourself. God is a God of unity and He desires to see one flesh in the marriage He has borrowed you.
Avoid a long distance relationship and if you are working away from home, do not delay in planning your permanent relocation and unity with your spouse.
Saving; budgeting; sowing; paying off debts
I have seen a lot of marriages/families happily plunge themselves into debts but they do not pay off their debts as happily as they took them.
To live within a budget is not a suggestion anymore. It’s a directive. Self-control is a must in all areas of our lives, including finances.
Learn to pay your debts, least you provoke the Law.
The above examples are just but to mention a few. We also procrastinate eating healthy, husbands often suspend critical visits to the urologist for a check-up. This is just how dangerous marital procrastination is.
The best way to get something done is to begin.
You might never be ready to stop renting and buy a house you want. Decide to stop procrastinating and paying another person’s bond. A day of procrastination is another day of worry. Get rid of the excuses and find a reason why what has been delayed must be done. Make it happen. A delayed task only gets harder by day.
“Everyone who is proud in heart (including those who procrastinate – in the context of this article) is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not be unpunished” (Prov. 16:5)