I have chosen to write on this because I realise many wives are still battling with grasping and dealing effectively with the concept of “respect” towards their husbands. Some have asked me: “what in the world does he want? He is accusing me of being wild and disrespectful.”
Please take note that husbands define RESPECT/DISRESPECT differently. For some it is in the tone of voice; for some in the performing house chores; for some it’s in listening without interference; to some it’s in criticising and resisting their decisions;
Try, as a wife, not to be controlling because your spirit of control affects your husband’s ambitions. Allow him room to prove his manliness and display his macho. Display a sense that you need him emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Try not to be “manly” (or display a sense of being too self-sufficient), and try not to take over everything. I repeat – allow him room to prove his abilities.
Please note that a wife has the ability to destroy her husband’s confidence, destroy a sense of his self-worth and crush his manliness by constant disrespectful behaviour. I repeat in case you missed it – Get your husband to define to you what disrespecting him means, and how that differs from acts and words that respect him.
The word submission also means respect. I prefer that you use the word respect because many people have misunderstood what the Bible means and use the word “submit” equally to what you would use in a Master-Slave relationship. It is true God expects a husband to govern his wives (Genesis 3:16), but that does not mean enslave her. God also expects a wife to submit to her own husband (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; I Peter 3:1), but that does not mean she is a slave to her husband. The husband’s headship is illustrated by and should be similar to how Christ governs or leads the church. The headship of the husband is illustrated in Christ and the church (I Corinthians 11:3).
Your submission qualifies him for church leadership, in the eyes of the Lord, not in the eyes of congregants, or the church (as we call it) or supporters or cheer leaders. (I Timothy 3:4,5).
Your loyalty should lie with building your home not the outside world (e.g. projects, work, parents, relatives and friends), isn’t it? If both your home and your outside world are on fire, and you are without any help, I suggest that you start to extinguish the fire in your home first.
NB : Most husbands still divorce wives over allegations of disrespect, non-submissiveness and rebelliousness. Maybe its about time we pay attention to this respect issue.
I have come to realise as a marriage counsellor that resisting your husband’s decisions and criticising them ultimately negatively affects his morale. I have also come to the conclusion that most husbands need to be praised, period!
A husband is more likely to be careful with his next decision if he was praised last time when he went wrong. This does not suggest to you to watch your house burn and do nothing, but it encourages you to trust your husband’s leadership, without which I doubt if he will vouch that you respect him.
Ladies, I request that you honestly answer yourself on the following questions: if your answer is in the affirmative, please review your stance and change your ways before it’s too late –
Do you think that having “a quiet and a gentle spirit” as a wife (I Peter 3:1) is a waste of time for your marriage?
Do you resist most of your husband’s decisions?
Would you honestly say there were occasions where you took him for granted in that you crushed his spirit with words and with what you did?
Do you think you are taking most home matters into your own hands? Does he show that you are intruding when you do that and doe she even surrender more responsibility to you?
Are you your husband’s conscience?
Have you resisted him physically because of how he looks?
Do you find yourself repeatedly tell your husband to perform a domestic chore and he does not do it?
Do you think how you respond or react to your husband affects his sense of self-worth negatively?
Is your husband ’self-confidence dropping since you have been with him?
Remember that a husband who grew up with a father that did not display husbandhood to your mother grew up without a father and husband figure. He is still in a class learning how to operate in the field. It might be best to leave him room to make mistake and not judge him.
Ladies, I hope that this article will help you catch a glimpse of the spirit of submission to your own husband and help you change your tone in your communication with him.